Crazy dreams

In the last post I touched on just how much music is a part of who I am. At this particular time there is one particular lyric from Carrie Underwood's "Crazy Dreams" that I just can't shake........."Thank God even crazy dreams come true." And all I can keep thinking is, my dream isn't that crazy. But even if it is, can I really get to a place that it will come true?

I have known for as long as I can remember that I wanted to be a teacher. Actually I do remember a brief time when I wanted to be a vet, but that was short-lived once my mom explained all the not so fun stuff vets have to deal with. But teacher was always on my list, and pretty much always at the top. I rarely played house as a kid, I preferred to play school. I never hesitated when people asked me what I wanted to do with my life, the answer was always teach. When it came time to visit colleges and pick a degree, there was no question. I was looking for a school whose College of Education had a good reputation and I was getting an Education degree. Granted, I did stray and get a completely unrelated Associates, but that was a brief diversion that I always intended to support my teaching career. And I got right back to finishing that degree. I have never wanted anything else, and I have never considered any other career. I just always knew. It's really not too crazy to have a goal for a career and want to achieve that right?

Well, I'm starting to feel like maybe I was crazy for thinking that way. And I partially blame all the professors and speakers I heard all through my education program that told us over and over and over that there was a teacher shortage, we'd have our pick of jobs, there would be plenty of jobs for all of us, it would be no problem. Yeah, they lied. In just one district that I've dealt with, there are at least 200 certified teachers just on the sub list trying to get into a full-time position, and an average of 500 applications attached to each job opening listed on the website. Not exactly great odds. It's a fight just to get a sub job, much less a full time opening. It's been absolutely ridiculous. I applied and went to orientation to sub for another district back in November and haven't even seen a job come up since then. The worst slap in the face though was at the beginning of this school year. I went onto the website for the elementary I student taught at to double check the emails for the teachers that are my references, and noticed there was a new third grade teacher on the team where I was teaching. Turns out, when I clicked over to her website, that it was a classmate that had also student taught at that school, but in a different grade. My heart totally sank because I knew if I had applied there and we had stayed I would have had a pretty good chance at that job.

We had a plan. Move to DFW, let hubby go to school, I get a teaching job and support us while he does that, done deal. We were organized. We researched. We had a list of options, and they were in three groups based on pay and distance. And we applied like crazy. Did the job fair thing. Had a couple interviews even. Then nothing. All school year. So I started subbing. And we expanded our radius. And moved in with my parents. And applied all over again and went to more job fairs, and even had a couple more interviews. But still nothing. I even applied to get a Masters, which took two months to hear about, and then we find out they're only offering to pay part of the tuition, so I can't do that. So now......we're changing the plan. And I'm not sure how I feel about that. Because what was the point of my original plan if we have to change it? And what if we still get nowhere with a new plan? Not cool. So, the new plan is......applying in the Austin area. And Killeen. For now. And maybe more. That's still kind of "iffy." And every time I think about or look at the huge list of districts that I've applied to, I just feel like that's just 75 more let-downs.

So that's my life right now. An overwhelming pile of applications and background checks and resumes and cover letters getting me absolutely nowhere. And all of this while on a somewhat unknown time limit, because at some point we can't stay here anymore. I need a door to open and soon. Or even a window. Actually at this point, I'd take a crack in the wall, and I will find a way to squeeze through it! Ugh! I want a dang classroom!!! It's making me a whole different kind of crazy than the song is talking about!