A big fat pile of....

....now what?

(Probably not where you thought I was going with that title.)

Life right now is a big fat pile of "now what?" Which by the way, sucks. I hate it. I am really really tired of it actually. I feel like a failure. And then I turn around and think, wait a minute, that can't be right. I worked too hard to be a failure! How did this happen?!

Now, some of you may think I sound just a little bit dramatic and even whiny. But let me just catch you up to speed on the suckage that is my career. Well, actually my lack of career would be more accurate. I graduated (with honors, I might add) with a Bachelor's in Education in December of 2008. That would be over two years ago. I spent a semester in denial that my plans were perfect and I didn't need to worry. Then I spent a year applying everywhere within an hour's drive. And trying desperately to get on sub lists and then trying even more desperately to actually get a sub job. Then we decided that wasn't working and we'd try a different market. And, naive me, I thought it was getting better. Got right on the sub lists, and started raking in the jobs. Comparatively at least.

But that brief period of hope is over now. Squashed and not coming back. RRISD started a hiring freeze, and they are really sticking to it. AISD is closing several schools. I think the total number is somewhere around 9, and I'm fairly sure at least 4 of those are elementary schools. HISD just opened a new elementary school for this school year, and will be closing it after this school year because they are over budget. So even though subbing is going better, I am no closer to the ultimate goal of my own classroom and a full-time contract position.

So I am once again back at the question of now what? And I'm beginning to really hate this question. Because I never really seem to get an answer for it. How long do I wait to find out if I have any remote chance of a job for the coming school year before I quit trying? Do I finally give up and find another career? And if so, what in the heck would that be? Do I try to find something that is relatively close to what I actually want, like tutoring or daycare/preschool? Or would that be beneath my degree? Or would that even be good enough? This whole paragraph has been on repeat (with a dash of speed) inside my head all week. And it is driving me crazy. Absolutely totally crazy. And I still have no answers to any of the questions.

Which is a horrible way to end a blog post. But I have nothing better, because I have nothing else to say.

Merry Christmas!

From the whole Henderson family! :)

How lame am I?

And before any of you wise-crackers even start, that question is rhetorical. I am well aware who reads my blog and I don't want to see any comments that answer that literally, thanks.

So, yes I do realize it has been since July 31st since I've posted a blog. But I have a whole list of really good reasons why. First, we moved. Then I was waiting to see how things were going after the move to write about. Then my laptop died. Then we thought James' laptop died, but after a brief rest, it came back to the land of almost fully functioning electronics. Then it was Halloween, and when you work at Party City that keeps you pretty busy (especially if that's not your only job). Then I was subbing a lot, which is fantastic, but exhausting. And now, it's Christmas. All of that to say, I kinda miss the blog. And I've been mulling over some things to post about the last few days. But today is not that day.

I spent the morning making a trip to the grocery store (which I normally hate doing the week of Christmas, but it was not as bad as I feared) and making candy for the in-laws. I'm about to go have lunch/dinner with my husband on his two hour break from his crazy split shift at work today. After that, I plan on making cookies. I also have to make a chocolate pie, cheese spread, deviled eggs, and after Christmas, birthday cakes. Maybe sometime between all the cooking, family time, and fun festivities I can spend some time blogging. If not, though, I'll catch you after Christmas.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Are you sick of me yet?

I know I haven't been a very consistent blogger since I started this little blog. So much so in fact that I just noticed yesterday that my template has disappeared. Oops! I'll try to get on that. :) So I know it's probably been really strange that I've posted so much in the last couple weeks, but there are just periods where I don't want to share things, and then all the sudden I go through a phase where life is so crazy that I have to type it all to start making sense of everything. This has definitely been one of those times! But I have to say, I have a wonderful support group in the friends that I have. And I haven't been taking as full advantage of that as I should, which I really regret now that we're leaving tomorrow. But I know they're not really going anywhere, it'll just be a little more long distance now (some longer than others). So spending last night with four Godly women who are so dear to me, was a great way for me to stop and refocus and realize that everything is going pretty okay right now and it really helped me to refresh and get everything accomplished today that I needed to. So, ladies, thank you. You mean so much to me, all of you, and all for unique reasons. And that's all I'm going to say about that because I'm tearing up now and I really don't have time for that. :)

Anyway. Since I have been posting so frequently lately I really don't have anything new to share. But I was just having one of those moments where I was feeling very stressed and chaotic and overwhelmed. I just needed to stop and be still for a few minutes. So I thought I would post one last blog from the home where we've spent the last ten months and kind of set all of this "old" behind me. That way I can take tomorrow to focus on all the "new" and keep my head on straight. I was very close to breaking down several times of the last few days, so I know it's coming eventually. But while trying to load the U-Haul or unload the U-Haul or drive down to Round Rock or during my interview Tuesday is not the time. And sitting here taking a moment to lay to rest (so to speak) all the bad we've dealt with in the last year and a half is what's going to keep me in control until I have time to have a melt down over all the good we are leaving behind here in Fort Worth. And then when I'm done with that I can put my full attention on getting my fair share of all the good that is bound to be coming my way.

Luckily, I have a big strong spider killer.

And no it's not Twila. It's the hubby. And he is really good at this job. Which is good because I really really REALLY don't like spiders. It's like we're a perfect match or something! ;)

So, you're probably wondering where this post is headed with a title and intro like that. And the answer is.....I will NOT miss the spiders.

Things I will miss about Haslet:

• the beautiful big open sky
• seeing the stars and the sunset
• seeing cute little bunnies in the yard

Thing I will most definitely not miss about Haslet:

• the mutant spiders attacking me
• trains blocking me into the neighborhood
• stupid neighbors walking in the middle of the streets and not moving for cars
• that it takes 30 minutes to get to anything worthwhile
• losing satellite signal for no apparent reason

It's almost time for us to leave. And we have so much still to do. But being attacked by a mutant spider once again this morning makes me feel like I'm so ready. I am finding it hard to believe we'll be gone in four days. But the past year and a half has been really hard and I'm ready to start over and have things finally be better. And seriously, I am so ready to have things five minutes away again and be able to order pizza that isn't Mr. Jim's! That probably sounds ridiculous to most of you, but really, it is super exciting!

A few additions....

I knew I would think of more pros and cons of moving. I was right.

Cons:
-We have to leave FOTP Haslet. This church has been great and I have loved every minute of serving with them. I will really miss it.
-My shoe selection is being cut in half. Mom and I wear the same size shoe, so I've had twice the shoes to pick from since we've been here. Unfortunately, Karen and I do not, so I loose half my shoe choices.

Pros:
-I get the channels back that Dad just canceled.
-There are a ton more fun things to do around town, you know, since there's actually a town.

I'm beginning to realize that this is actually happening, the closer it comes. I typed up my official notice to my manager at Payless here. He already knows I'm leaving, but just in case I don't get a transfer (which I'm beginning to think isn't likely) I want everything to be official. And James has an interview Monday with the LifeWay in Austin. At least that piece of the plan is working. I'm starting to freak out just a little. I'm worried that this isn't going to work out any better than when we moved here, and that really scares me. But, I'm trusting that since no doors, or windows, or tiny little cracks have opened up for us here, that something will have to open up there. Anyway, we really appreciate any thoughts or prayers or leads you could send our way. :) We sure could use them!

Here we go again....

Well, I can now officially tell everyone that we are moving yet again. And just in case you're not aware, I hate moving! Absolutely hate it. But that is the plan. Twila, on the other hand, doesn't mind the packing and moving. Until you get her in the car that is. I'll try to get a video of that to share that fun with you later.

Ok, so details. We are moving back to the Austin/Round Rock area. Some of you probably already had some inklings of this because I had mentioned that I was putting applications in down there. In fact, I have applications out in the areas of Fort Worth, Waco, Austin, and even San Marcos. But back to the point. We have been living here in Fort Worth for a year and three months now, and I have had no leads on a job whatsoever, and we are barely making it. I have been to every job fair I could manage, I have applied to every district within an hour radius, and I tried to sub in two of the best districts in the area (which also happen to be the closest). And I think I had a total of maybe five sub jobs from November to May. No joke. That is how flooded with teachers DFW is. In fact, I have a coworkers at my part time, second job that is looking for a job in the same area I am. She has ESL and SPED certifications and experience, and no one is calling her either. So, it's time for a new plan. And that plan is, try somewhere else. And that somewhere else is going to be Round Rock. We decided that since I know teachers there, I may have a better chance of getting into a district. However, we have no delusions about me getting an offer of a contract. So the back up plan, assuming I don't get an offer, is for me to sub in Round Rock, Pflugerville, and Leander, since I know teachers in all three districts and have subbed before in both RRISD and LISD. So, if you teach in one of those districts, keep me in mind, and when I'm officially on the lists, I'll be sure to let everyone know. We also hopefully will both be transferring with our current part time jobs, so that we at least have something.

Of course, there are some downsides to this move, as always (besides the obvious having to move all our crap again).
1. We will still be mooching, at least for a little while. We will be staying with James' parents, at least until we figure out what our income will be. I guess it's only fair though. I mean James has been living with his in-laws for 10 months now, so now it's only fair that I put in some time living with mine. :)
2. Twila will have to spend all of her time in our bedroom, away from the cats with claws that know how to fight and are quite a bit bigger than she is.
3. We have to leave all our friends in Fort Worth.
4. I have to listen to Twila whine about being in the car for three and a half hours.
5. James has to drive a U-Haul.
6. No more Rangers games.
7. Dead. Animals.

But I am trying to focus on the upsides to all of this, which I'll mention in no particular order (and these aren't meant to be offensive to my dad or brother, who both read this).
1. A bigger bathroom! With a bathtub! And real counters!
2. We get to see James' family and my grandma a lot more often.
3. We will get to play with Timber and Sardis on a regular basis.
4. We will most likely get to play our Wii more often.
5. I can maybe find some more info to help find James' ancestors in all of his parents' stuff.
6. It will pretty much be like we're moving home again, which won't be all that bad.
7. We'll be close to civilization again!!
8. We get good food back--Hoody's, Mr. Gatti's, Pok-E-Joe's, Fish City Grill, etc. And that also means, we will have more options for pizza delivery than just Mr. Jim's.

Ok, I may have more to add to those, but for now I am tired, still not feeling 100%, and I have to open the store in the morning. But, I get to go see the Rangers tomorrow night and I am so excited to get one last game before we leave!