In the last post I touched on just how much music is a part of who I am. At this particular time there is one particular lyric from Carrie Underwood's "Crazy Dreams" that I just can't shake........."Thank God even crazy dreams come true." And all I can keep thinking is, my dream isn't that crazy. But even if it is, can I really get to a place that it will come true?
I have known for as long as I can remember that I wanted to be a teacher. Actually I do remember a brief time when I wanted to be a vet, but that was short-lived once my mom explained all the not so fun stuff vets have to deal with. But teacher was always on my list, and pretty much always at the top. I rarely played house as a kid, I preferred to play school. I never hesitated when people asked me what I wanted to do with my life, the answer was always teach. When it came time to visit colleges and pick a degree, there was no question. I was looking for a school whose College of Education had a good reputation and I was getting an Education degree. Granted, I did stray and get a completely unrelated Associates, but that was a brief diversion that I always intended to support my teaching career. And I got right back to finishing that degree. I have never wanted anything else, and I have never considered any other career. I just always knew. It's really not too crazy to have a goal for a career and want to achieve that right?
Well, I'm starting to feel like maybe I was crazy for thinking that way. And I partially blame all the professors and speakers I heard all through my education program that told us over and over and over that there was a teacher shortage, we'd have our pick of jobs, there would be plenty of jobs for all of us, it would be no problem. Yeah, they lied. In just one district that I've dealt with, there are at least 200 certified teachers just on the sub list trying to get into a full-time position, and an average of 500 applications attached to each job opening listed on the website. Not exactly great odds. It's a fight just to get a sub job, much less a full time opening. It's been absolutely ridiculous. I applied and went to orientation to sub for another district back in November and haven't even seen a job come up since then. The worst slap in the face though was at the beginning of this school year. I went onto the website for the elementary I student taught at to double check the emails for the teachers that are my references, and noticed there was a new third grade teacher on the team where I was teaching. Turns out, when I clicked over to her website, that it was a classmate that had also student taught at that school, but in a different grade. My heart totally sank because I knew if I had applied there and we had stayed I would have had a pretty good chance at that job.
We had a plan. Move to DFW, let hubby go to school, I get a teaching job and support us while he does that, done deal. We were organized. We researched. We had a list of options, and they were in three groups based on pay and distance. And we applied like crazy. Did the job fair thing. Had a couple interviews even. Then nothing. All school year. So I started subbing. And we expanded our radius. And moved in with my parents. And applied all over again and went to more job fairs, and even had a couple more interviews. But still nothing. I even applied to get a Masters, which took two months to hear about, and then we find out they're only offering to pay part of the tuition, so I can't do that. So now......we're changing the plan. And I'm not sure how I feel about that. Because what was the point of my original plan if we have to change it? And what if we still get nowhere with a new plan? Not cool. So, the new plan is......applying in the Austin area. And Killeen. For now. And maybe more. That's still kind of "iffy." And every time I think about or look at the huge list of districts that I've applied to, I just feel like that's just 75 more let-downs.
So that's my life right now. An overwhelming pile of applications and background checks and resumes and cover letters getting me absolutely nowhere. And all of this while on a somewhat unknown time limit, because at some point we can't stay here anymore. I need a door to open and soon. Or even a window. Actually at this point, I'd take a crack in the wall, and I will find a way to squeeze through it! Ugh! I want a dang classroom!!! It's making me a whole different kind of crazy than the song is talking about!
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Monday, May 10, 2010
Saying Goodbye.
It's been two weeks in a row now that I've had to say goodbye to someone in my life. It was really bothering me on my drive home from work last night. I was having some trouble wrapping my head around exactly how I was feeling about everything. Just as I was trying to sort all this out in my head, I switched on KLTY and Carrie Underwood's "So Small" started playing. It was like she was putting my crazy mixed-up thoughts into words for me. Now, I love belting out some Carrie Underwood on a regular basis, but never have the lyrics touched my heart quite like they did last night. I found myself choking up as I sang along, especially the second verse.
"It's so easy to get lost inside
A problem that seems so big at the time
It's like a river that's so wide
It swallows you whole
While you're sitting around thinking 'bout what you can't change
And worrying about all the wrong things
Time's flying by, moving so fast
You better make it count 'cause you can't get it back
Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing
Is just a grain of sand
And what you've been out there searching for forever
Is in your hands
Oh, and when you figure out
Love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
Seem so small"
I'm still not sure I have everything sorted out in my head at the moment. But I did feel a lot better just singing along with words that described what I was thinking. It definitely relieved some of my tension to express myself that way. It was almost like a little comfort/prayer time just me and God in my car on the drive home. Anyway, I don't really want to go all into my deep personal thoughts and feelings here on my blog (you can ask me personally if any of this is new to you). But I felt it was important to give some small mention of what's been going on in my life. And I also felt it was important to include how much music can speak to the soul, and even sometimes do a little healing. Makes me really appreciate what a big role music plays in my little corner of the world. Also makes me appreciate how lucky I am to still be here. The fact that it could have been me is never too far from the front of my mind, but times like these definitely bring it right up to the forefront. I don't like to dwell on it too much, I'd rather focus on making the most of my life, but it does bring back some vivid memories. Anyway, I'm starting to ramble, so I'm going to end this.
Rest in peace. You will be greatly missed. I know you'll be waiting there to celebrate with me when I make it up to heaven. And I will be so glad to see you when I get there.
In Loving Memory
Mardelle Virginia Carter Arnold, 1/5/1923-4/28/2010
Ethan James Adams, 9/20/89-5/7/2010
"It's so easy to get lost inside
A problem that seems so big at the time
It's like a river that's so wide
It swallows you whole
While you're sitting around thinking 'bout what you can't change
And worrying about all the wrong things
Time's flying by, moving so fast
You better make it count 'cause you can't get it back
Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing
Is just a grain of sand
And what you've been out there searching for forever
Is in your hands
Oh, and when you figure out
Love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
Seem so small"
I'm still not sure I have everything sorted out in my head at the moment. But I did feel a lot better just singing along with words that described what I was thinking. It definitely relieved some of my tension to express myself that way. It was almost like a little comfort/prayer time just me and God in my car on the drive home. Anyway, I don't really want to go all into my deep personal thoughts and feelings here on my blog (you can ask me personally if any of this is new to you). But I felt it was important to give some small mention of what's been going on in my life. And I also felt it was important to include how much music can speak to the soul, and even sometimes do a little healing. Makes me really appreciate what a big role music plays in my little corner of the world. Also makes me appreciate how lucky I am to still be here. The fact that it could have been me is never too far from the front of my mind, but times like these definitely bring it right up to the forefront. I don't like to dwell on it too much, I'd rather focus on making the most of my life, but it does bring back some vivid memories. Anyway, I'm starting to ramble, so I'm going to end this.
Rest in peace. You will be greatly missed. I know you'll be waiting there to celebrate with me when I make it up to heaven. And I will be so glad to see you when I get there.
In Loving Memory
Mardelle Virginia Carter Arnold, 1/5/1923-4/28/2010
Ethan James Adams, 9/20/89-5/7/2010
Monday, May 3, 2010
A Catch-all Catch-up
So.....it's been awhile since I blogged. Life kinda picked me up, whirled me around, got me all confused, and then threw me back down to fend for myself. I wanted to write a quick blog before we hit the road for a whirlwind trip out of town, but couldn't really settle on a specific topic. So I decided to do a sort of life update, summary style. Some of what's happened in the last month I'll fill you in on, and some of that whirling and throwing life did I'll leave out for now.
Went to EMS ISD's job fair. Did a screener interview, and then was told by just about every principal that things were still up in the air due to the elementary campus being added for the next school year (rezoning and transferring).
Turned 24. Feels absolutely no different. Except maybe a little more pressure to get things together.
Been having a lot of fun and getting some really awesome results at church. I'm really enjoying serving and helping get this off the ground.
Been working my butt off at Payless. Which is really impressing my boss. Still haven't decided if that's good or bad. Sure, it's good to be in good with the boss, and a raise would be helpful. But this is not exactly in line with my career goals.
Went to another job fair today. It was absolute chaos, and felt like cattle herding. Really not very encouraging. Most districts were hardly even talking to people, and the ones that were, were taking way too much time per person. This whole job hunting thing is really driving me nuts. I seriously need a magic wand.
Well, that is the last month in a really small nutshell. We are hitting the road for Georgetown any minute. Then from there, tomorrow morning we are heading to Cuero for a funeral service for my great-aunt. She was my grandfather's older sister. This news wasn't necessarily a surprise, but it's still a rough time. Anyway, we'll be in Cuero for probably most of the day, then head back home late tomorrow night. Not exactly ideal, but it needs to be done. So, I'm signing off for now so I can be ready to leave. I really will try to find something interesting to blog about soon. Maybe I can finish and develop my most recent roll of film and post some about my very small dabbling in photography.
Went to EMS ISD's job fair. Did a screener interview, and then was told by just about every principal that things were still up in the air due to the elementary campus being added for the next school year (rezoning and transferring).
Turned 24. Feels absolutely no different. Except maybe a little more pressure to get things together.
Been having a lot of fun and getting some really awesome results at church. I'm really enjoying serving and helping get this off the ground.
Been working my butt off at Payless. Which is really impressing my boss. Still haven't decided if that's good or bad. Sure, it's good to be in good with the boss, and a raise would be helpful. But this is not exactly in line with my career goals.
Went to another job fair today. It was absolute chaos, and felt like cattle herding. Really not very encouraging. Most districts were hardly even talking to people, and the ones that were, were taking way too much time per person. This whole job hunting thing is really driving me nuts. I seriously need a magic wand.
Well, that is the last month in a really small nutshell. We are hitting the road for Georgetown any minute. Then from there, tomorrow morning we are heading to Cuero for a funeral service for my great-aunt. She was my grandfather's older sister. This news wasn't necessarily a surprise, but it's still a rough time. Anyway, we'll be in Cuero for probably most of the day, then head back home late tomorrow night. Not exactly ideal, but it needs to be done. So, I'm signing off for now so I can be ready to leave. I really will try to find something interesting to blog about soon. Maybe I can finish and develop my most recent roll of film and post some about my very small dabbling in photography.
Friday, April 2, 2010
Babies everywhere!
Ok, so my last post was a little intense. But you have to understand, I've been sick this week, I work with people who seem to be using very few of their brain cells, I wasn't supposed to have worked that night and had to go in anyway, and especially the fact that people being stupid seemingly by choice is something that really annoys me. So, on to happier things!!
I think that my favorite cross-stitch projects are baby bibs. It is just so fun! I always start them with someone in mind. Now that's not to say plans don't change, but I do always have someone in mind when I start one. When I'm ahead, I usually start either a generic pattern, or both a girl and boy bib. Usually though, I know exactly who I'm going to give the bib to. I just love picturing a friends' baby wearing/using the bib I'm stitching for them! I think one of the other things that makes the bibs my favorite, is that they're so easy and fast. I can start and finish one quickly enough to give at baby showers (or whenever). I like to feel efficient and effective, and these projects are exactly that! I try to take a picture of every bib that I make. I say try because our digital camera is very old and finicky, so sometimes I have to actually use my film camera (*gasp* I know, so old school), so some of my pictures aren't currently developed or on the computer yet.
So of course, I always start with a blank slate. I actually prefer a white bib, because the colors look more vibrant on the white background, but I have done a few colored backgrounds like the one I have here. I also like to try to use a particular brand, because they make their bibs to where I can sew down the part I stitch on to cover the strings on the back so moms can wash them. That brand is harder to find, and does only come in white, so if I don't get my preferred brand, I put a piece of matching fabric over the back of the stitching to make it washable. The bibs and thread themselves are washable anyway, but I cover the back so moms don't have to worry about the strings coming loose.
These first several pictures are all from my first round of bibs that I ever gave out to friends. These kiddos are now all around 3 years old, which absolutely blows my mind! And actually, when I pulled these up, I was having a hard time remembering who I gave what! This one here went to my friend Stacey's little boy. Stacey and I knew each other through church back when I was in high school, and reconnected shortly before she had the baby.
This one went to my good friend Caroline's little boy. I'm pretty sure. I'm second-guessing myself, so Caroline, if I'm wrong, I'm sorry!!! I really liked this particular pattern! :) Caroline and I met at TCC, and clicked immediately. She was actually a bridesmaid in my wedding and made our cakes! I just gave her a second bib, as well as a washcloth, for the little girl that will very soon be joining the family! Unfortunately, that set is one I had to photograph with my film camera, and the roll hasn't been developed yet. :( However, she was just telling me the other day how special these gifts were to her, and seriously, I almost cried! (And before you even start, that had nothing to do with any extra hormones!!)
This set is actually a bib (on the left) and I guess what you'd call like a burp rag (on the right). I don't use these things yet, so I don't know what exactly you'd call it! Anyway, this set went to my friend Stephanie's little girl. Stephanie and I went to high school together.
This one was a more recent round of gifts. This one went to another good friend, and bridesmaid, Cori's little boy who is not quite a year old yet. This one was really fun for me, because I did the pattern myself. When Cori first found out, she nicknamed the baby "jelly bean." I thought it was super cute, and I looked forever and everywhere to find a cute pattern that had jelly beans in it! No such luck though. I found one on the internet that had a jar of jelly beans, and some loose ones, but wouldn't fit on the bib area. Well, about the time I found that and was debating how to alter it to make it work, Cori found out it was a boy and they settled on the name Konner. This solved my problem for me, and I immediately got to work designing this pattern for the little one!
I wish I had more pictures of the past bibs I have done. But for now this is all I have. I do have a few others in the works currently, as it seems these babies like to come in groups! :) I can think of two babies off the top of my head that I could be stitching for right now! But, I don't like to post pictures of ones that I haven't given. I feel like that kind of takes away from the surprise, if the mom I happen to give a bib to had seen the picture on my blog. I also think that when I can I will design more patterns of my own. I've done one other besides the jelly beans, but it's not even finished, so I don't want to share it yet. I really like designing the patterns. If I was a better artist, I probably would've looked for a career designing something! I'm sure most of you don't know that about me!
Anyway, that was a much happier blog post, and I know that several of you had shown some interest last time I posted about my cross-stitch. So, there we go, my favorite thing to cross-stitch! If any of you need to put in order in, I'm sure we could do some negotiating about that!
I think that my favorite cross-stitch projects are baby bibs. It is just so fun! I always start them with someone in mind. Now that's not to say plans don't change, but I do always have someone in mind when I start one. When I'm ahead, I usually start either a generic pattern, or both a girl and boy bib. Usually though, I know exactly who I'm going to give the bib to. I just love picturing a friends' baby wearing/using the bib I'm stitching for them! I think one of the other things that makes the bibs my favorite, is that they're so easy and fast. I can start and finish one quickly enough to give at baby showers (or whenever). I like to feel efficient and effective, and these projects are exactly that! I try to take a picture of every bib that I make. I say try because our digital camera is very old and finicky, so sometimes I have to actually use my film camera (*gasp* I know, so old school), so some of my pictures aren't currently developed or on the computer yet.
So of course, I always start with a blank slate. I actually prefer a white bib, because the colors look more vibrant on the white background, but I have done a few colored backgrounds like the one I have here. I also like to try to use a particular brand, because they make their bibs to where I can sew down the part I stitch on to cover the strings on the back so moms can wash them. That brand is harder to find, and does only come in white, so if I don't get my preferred brand, I put a piece of matching fabric over the back of the stitching to make it washable. The bibs and thread themselves are washable anyway, but I cover the back so moms don't have to worry about the strings coming loose.
These first several pictures are all from my first round of bibs that I ever gave out to friends. These kiddos are now all around 3 years old, which absolutely blows my mind! And actually, when I pulled these up, I was having a hard time remembering who I gave what! This one here went to my friend Stacey's little boy. Stacey and I knew each other through church back when I was in high school, and reconnected shortly before she had the baby.
This one went to my good friend Caroline's little boy. I'm pretty sure. I'm second-guessing myself, so Caroline, if I'm wrong, I'm sorry!!! I really liked this particular pattern! :) Caroline and I met at TCC, and clicked immediately. She was actually a bridesmaid in my wedding and made our cakes! I just gave her a second bib, as well as a washcloth, for the little girl that will very soon be joining the family! Unfortunately, that set is one I had to photograph with my film camera, and the roll hasn't been developed yet. :( However, she was just telling me the other day how special these gifts were to her, and seriously, I almost cried! (And before you even start, that had nothing to do with any extra hormones!!)
This set is actually a bib (on the left) and I guess what you'd call like a burp rag (on the right). I don't use these things yet, so I don't know what exactly you'd call it! Anyway, this set went to my friend Stephanie's little girl. Stephanie and I went to high school together.
This one was a more recent round of gifts. This one went to another good friend, and bridesmaid, Cori's little boy who is not quite a year old yet. This one was really fun for me, because I did the pattern myself. When Cori first found out, she nicknamed the baby "jelly bean." I thought it was super cute, and I looked forever and everywhere to find a cute pattern that had jelly beans in it! No such luck though. I found one on the internet that had a jar of jelly beans, and some loose ones, but wouldn't fit on the bib area. Well, about the time I found that and was debating how to alter it to make it work, Cori found out it was a boy and they settled on the name Konner. This solved my problem for me, and I immediately got to work designing this pattern for the little one!
I wish I had more pictures of the past bibs I have done. But for now this is all I have. I do have a few others in the works currently, as it seems these babies like to come in groups! :) I can think of two babies off the top of my head that I could be stitching for right now! But, I don't like to post pictures of ones that I haven't given. I feel like that kind of takes away from the surprise, if the mom I happen to give a bib to had seen the picture on my blog. I also think that when I can I will design more patterns of my own. I've done one other besides the jelly beans, but it's not even finished, so I don't want to share it yet. I really like designing the patterns. If I was a better artist, I probably would've looked for a career designing something! I'm sure most of you don't know that about me!
Anyway, that was a much happier blog post, and I know that several of you had shown some interest last time I posted about my cross-stitch. So, there we go, my favorite thing to cross-stitch! If any of you need to put in order in, I'm sure we could do some negotiating about that!
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Is it just me?
Am I the only one that has a low tolerance for stupid?
It just absolutely bugs me.
I mean, really, where do people hide their common sense these days? Why is it so difficult? I mean, there are lists and charts and diagrams with the correct procedures. It shouldn't take too many brain cells to follow these guidelines.
But seriously, am I the only one bothered by this? Are Americans in this generation really losing that much intelligence and common sense? And if so, shouldn't we all be extremely worried about this?
It really makes for a miserable work day. And it puts me in a bad mood. I have a very very low tolerance for stupid. And what makes it worse is when people don't even try to stop being stupid. Six hours of high levels of stupid puts me in a really bad state of mind. And I don't like it. Ugh!
Ok, rant over. Glad I don't work tomorrow.
It just absolutely bugs me.
I mean, really, where do people hide their common sense these days? Why is it so difficult? I mean, there are lists and charts and diagrams with the correct procedures. It shouldn't take too many brain cells to follow these guidelines.
But seriously, am I the only one bothered by this? Are Americans in this generation really losing that much intelligence and common sense? And if so, shouldn't we all be extremely worried about this?
It really makes for a miserable work day. And it puts me in a bad mood. I have a very very low tolerance for stupid. And what makes it worse is when people don't even try to stop being stupid. Six hours of high levels of stupid puts me in a really bad state of mind. And I don't like it. Ugh!
Ok, rant over. Glad I don't work tomorrow.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Safe in Your plan....
So, while having a wonderful coffee date on Wednesday with my awesome friend, Caroline, I realized that maybe not all of you who follow (or read without following) my little blog here know what's going on in my life right now. It occurred to me after spending two hours (hours that flew by, I might add) catching up with her, that maybe not everyone pays attention when I update my Facebook status 60 times a week. Ok, so it's probably not 60. But you get the point. And maybe not everyone puts all the pieces together when they read a blog here or there, or a sentence long status every so often, or even the sporadic email or text. (By the way, that reminds me, I am sooo bad at email! Just FYI, I've been known to let emails sit in my inbox for weeks upon weeks without answering. If it's important, you really should text or Facebook me, because those I do answer. Don't ask me why, that's just how I operate! Has been since email was invented!) So, for those of you who may be feeling like you have no idea what I'm up to, and care to read the update, here goes. And I'll even categorize for you, because that's just how I like things.Location
For those of you who may have missed it, we are back in the DFW area. I spent almost three years in the Austin area finishing my degree. But now James is in Seminary here in Fort Worth, so I am back in DFW. Specifically, Haslet. We did spend roughly seven months in NRH in a ridiculous nightmare of an apartment, but since October we have been in Haslet. And I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but Haslet is out in the middle of absolutely nowhere! And I don't like it! I am not an out-in-the-country, smell-the-cows type of girl. I like to have civilization nearby. And by nearby I mean like less than half an hour. But I'm dealing with it. We are trying to save to buy a house. But that seems a long way off right now.
School
As mentioned, James is in Seminary. He is working on his master's. It seems hard. But he likes it. I am currently waiting to hear from TCU as to whether or not I am accepted, as well as whether or not I get a teaching assistant position. They are being very slow about answering these questions and it is driving me a little crazy. However, I do not know yet if I will be attending in the fall, because that decision depends on a whole bunch of things that are still up in the air right now. (I'm beginning to hate that phrase. It seems a lot of things in my life are "still up in the air.")
Jobs
Yes, that does require a plural. Scary, huh? You have no idea. I am currently on sub lists for three school districts in the area. Which I'm sure to most of you sounds like more than enough work for one person. Not so much. I've had very few jobs, and there doesn't seem to be any increase in the number available. So while that sounds like it would keep me busy, it doesn't. I am also still looking for a full time teaching position, which could be a full time job in itself. I've been looking since last April, and no bites yet. It's getting really discouraging, but I'm not giving up. On top of all that, I'm also working part time nights and weekends at Payless. While I would love for my part time job to actually relate to my career field, that really hasn't worked out for me. I did at one point hold a position as a tutor, but that is a whole separate, less than fun story. So, basically, we needed to pay the bills and Payless was my only offer, so I took it. And it's working out.
Church
When we moved to Haslet in October, we began attending services for a new campus/church plant project taking place here in Haslet. At the time, those interested were meeting at the current Keller location of FOTP. About three weeks ago now, we finally started meeting in Haslet as an official new campus of FOTP. And it has been really great. I actually have helped start a new church in the past, and I'm enjoying the experience this time just as much as I did last time. I have been waking up at 6:15 every Sunday to get down to the elementary school to help set up equipment at 7:00. I am not a morning person at all, but it's actually been fun. So, we spend two hours for set up and band rehearsal, then have a 9:00 service for all volunteers, and then a 10:30 service for everyone. It has been a blast the last two weeks seeing numbers grow already, and seeing things fall into place and click. This weekend will be the first advertised 10:30 service, and I am definitely excited to see how many people show up! Some of you probably got my Facebook invite. Don't worry, I won't be offended if you choose not to come check us out, but it was important to me to have the offer out there. This is really a nutshell of an update on this subject, so if you want more, ask me, I'd be happy to share. But it's really still in early stages, so this will do for now.
I think that's about it really. At least the big important stuff. I know I haven't been posting very consistently, but this brief update should kind of explain why. My life somehow is busy without feeling busy, so I tend to have a hard time making time to blog. But I plan to do better, really. In fact, I have in my head already that I want to blog about my cross-stitch again like I mentioned in the previous cross-stitch post. And who knows, maybe something actually exciting will happen in my life and I can write about that, too! Or if you have anything you think I should blog about, I'm open to suggestion! For tonight, I think I'm gonna get ready for bed, and then maybe try to talk James into watching an episode of Ghost Hunters with me so I can get through the DVD and we can send it back to get something else from Netflix!
~B~
Sunday, March 14, 2010
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